Blame game!!

Oh! , we lost the game because; our players could not perform at the right time.

OMG! , why I listen to you, you gave me such a misleading advice that I had lost so much money, I was so stupid to follow your advice, why I didn't  use my brain.

You have told me to take admission in this course, that's why, I am not able to do well in this, otherwise, I would have done much better in other curriculum.

Our party lost the election, this time people did not get our message, because the media did not cooperate with us.

If you have not come in my life, I am sure, I would have been very successful, after marrying with you, I am stuck with you and this family?

 I never get any promotion, however, I worked very hard, but my boss didn't like me, he never ever appreciates my work.

I am sure, you might have heard or said these words to someone in a different time or occasions in your life or on a certain failure or fallback situations.

Who puts blame……..

Technically, what are these words nothings just allegations or in another way, we can say a pure "Blame Game".

Why someone has to blame others for his own failure? Reason is very simple, No one wants to take the responsibility for the failures, even the failures caused by  their own actions. It's a strange kind of mental satisfaction of human being, put the blame on others.

In the reality very few people have courage to accept their mistakes or failures.

If you can not take the responsibility for failure, then what is left to justify the failure, only the "Blame Game". Just think about this, if you are alone in the wood and stuck with some kind of problem them what you will do? Technically, there is no one to whom you can blame?

What I have learned in my experience that in general there are two types of people in this world those are expert in putting blame on others.

One those have tended to put on others for any wrong happening   or failure, and the second type thus puts the blame on others when they don't have valid reason to justify the failure.

The first type, I called them as a born  “Accusers”  and the other type is Opportunists. The Accusers are very aggressive, mean, lazy and cruel by nature. These types of people can go to any limit, you can find them most commonly in Politics and in any Office. An aggressive, mean and dominating Spouse/Boss is a perfect example of an “Accuser”.

Politicians are born “Accusers”, they have all the reasons to put blame on others for any loss or wrong.

The Opportunists are normal human being they will put the blame on others when they encounter with a weak opponent. These types of people are most common in Sports, House, neighbor and relatives. The  relatives as “Mother”, “Sister/Daughter in Law” come under the category of an Opportunist.

In another contrast, there are other types of people also in this world those are born to accept the blames, even though they are not responsible for any failure or loss. In the real world, we called them “Scapegoat” those will be blamed for anything. They can't resist or defend themselves. They are born to be blamed. We see this type of people in our work culture or in the office/home as a subordinate/servant and in the relations in the society as a spouse.

Why people play the Blame Game…….

Now the question comes in  mind, why a person puts a blame on others, what is the psychology behind for doing this?

If we see the human development, we can understand how & when this attitude developed in the human race.

Once human have started living in the society. Its social development has bought some side effects though. In today’s world, everyone in the society wants to live with the pride and success. I haven’t seen any person  who doesn’t like appreciation and flattering, similarly, I have encountered very few persons, those have  the guts to accept their mistakes or failure without any hesitation.

Specially, in India, people love flattering, show off and false appreciations. In the recent time their community and societies are coming out of starvation, slavery & poverty. Indians have  a high tendency to show off among their own people. The main reason for this, in Indian society, people have huge social and financial differences.

In Indian society, people  can afford cheap labor for their household works either by money or power, which leads them to think that some professions have different respect level. And some of them get the fake pride on the basis of caste.

This mentality makes them behave differently with others on the basis of their work and cast and in the result people find easy target to abuse others.

People those put blame on others are generally cowardly, weak and arrogant, they want to maintain their reputation in the society  or want to feel mental relief by putting guilt on others.

How it hurts…..

It’s not easy to accept the mistakes, you should have an open mind and big heart to say that, “I was wrong” or “I apologize” or “My mistake”. If you look, these are just mere words, nothing will change when you say this, however, people will not condemn their fault and argue endlessly, Because, If you accept the mistake or failure, it means you have to accept that there is some shortcomings in yourself or there was something lacking in your effort, which will lead to mental stress?

People don’t want to take stress, when they can give the stress to others for their own mistakes. All problems start from here, rather than blaming himself, people accused other.

They manipulate the words in such a way that other person feel guilty. Once they succeed in their mission they are free from stress. Now, the other person carries the baggage for others mistakes and think day and night where was he wrong?

How to recognize you are “Scapegoat” or Not….

Sometimes it is not easy to understand whether we are responsible for others failure or not? However, there are some rule to understand this.

If you are being convicted for some blame, just analyzed the blame and your action or involvement in the event. If you have received an appreciation in the past for any success in that event them you may be responsible up to some extend.

However, if you were never appreciated for  guidance, advice or suggestions in the past by the people, then you are not responsible for their failure. If somebody can’t give credit for the success than they can’t accused for the failure?

How to avoid…..

It’s not an easy task to avoid this type of situation completely. However, if we control our emotions than we can avoid this up to a certain level.

Never ever give an unsolicited advice to anyone, regardless, how close this person to you, unless or until people don’t ask your opinion.

People have tended to involve others in their difficult time, if everything goes well they forget easily, but something wrong happened they put the blame on others? Avoid this type of people completely, they will accuse you either today or tomorrow, it’s better to get first punishment.

And at last, if someone can’t say “Thanks or Sorry” to you then he has no right to put any blame on you. Avoid these types of people as much as you, if not, Don’t take any mental stress for their accusations. Just remember, We don’t chase for a“Barking Dog”.

Note: “Opinions expressed are those of the authors, and are not official statements. Resemblance to any person, incident or place is purely coincidental”. The Author will not be responsible for your deeds.

   BY

Kapil Kumar

Note: “Opinions expressed are those of the authors, and are not official statements. Resemblance to any person, incident or place is purely coincidental”. The Author will not be responsible for your deeds.